Engaging With The World

Prior to being diagnosed with breast cancer,  I was your typical mild-mannered public accountant who loved her work and being part of a huge organization.  There was nothing more exciting to me than being asked to research and write on some obscure and complicated tax issue.  There wasn't much creativity involved, or if there was, we called it planning.  Always busy, always buzzing and always people.

After leaving my accounting career behind, to focus on my health and continuing treatments for metastatic breast cancer,  something in me changed.  I stopped being social.  I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I retreated into myself and struggled to connect with the world at large. Having put so much energy into moving on from my initial ordeal in 2004,  only to be hit with a recurrence in 2007 and then again in 2009,  I just don't think I had the emotional energy left to give.  Especially when it came to maintaining existing friendships and making new friends.

With time on my hands I started blogging.  Writing became my therapy and a way to distill the insanity of my situation.  I didn't really care if anyone read it.  If I posted once or twice a month and got the odd comment here or there, I considered my scribblings to be a worthwhile exercise.  But although writing was certainly a help,  I couldn't deny that I felt isolated, frustrated and just plain lonely.

Aside from the physical aspects accompanying a cancer diagnosis, there are so many complicated dynamics and emotions that we struggle with everyday.  I  know these are familiar issues to many people within the cancer community and today I share my reflections on the Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer blog.  Click here to read my guest post entitled "Engaging With The World".