As for me readers, I've got nothing. Except if you count the phrase "I'm still here" after my own annus horribulus in 2011, as my important three words. Yes, that will do.
I also kicked off the new year with an invitation to my 25th high school reunion in November, of which my first thought was not "Do these jeans make me look fat?", but rather "Will I make it?", and by that I don't mean with some long-lost high school paramour.
That's the thing about metastatic cancer. I'm feeling pretty good right now, even in my one-handed chemo-fogged state, but with the disease at this stage, you never know what fun is just around the corner. The game can literally change overnight. And I don't say that from a hopeless kind of perspective. In fact I'm far from feeling like that, it's just simply fact. You never know. [Editors Note: Please don't come at me with the "hit-by-a-bus" analogy unless you want a serious tongue lashing].
Anyway I think I'll RSVP to the reunion with a "Yes! So long as I'm not dead or otherwise indisposed with collapsed lungs, chemo sickness or some other cancer-related crap".
So what I do I want for 2012?
Above all, medical stability. Medical instability of the cancerous kind is highly inconvenient, especially with all the travel I dream of catching up on this year. It's also not a good look for a high school reunion.
Secondly, I'd like to resurrect my Can-Do Women blog. I was off to a really good start in the first half of 2011, then medical instability for the second half sent that priority to the bottom of the pile. Incidentally, I'd welcome contributors to that blog if anyone feels so inclined. Check it out.
Third, I resolved before Christmas to give my local in-person support group another chance. I went to one session in December and of course I hated it. One too many narcissists who love the sound of their own voices for my liking. Huh? Bloggers, narcissists? Noooooooooo. Anyway, I've decided to give it a couple more attendances, and if nothing else I'll view it as an unacademic social experiment which should provide ample blogging fodder for the foreseeable future. Unless Lucy Loudmouth decides to shut her mouth and let someone else talk, or I grow some balls and tell her to shut the hell up.
I also might try working on this "gratitude" thing that everybody seems to be buzzing about, even though the words gratitude and cancer don't go together in my mind. Unfortunately, I tend to misbehave with exercises like this.
I'm GRATEFUL that I have at least one working hand.
I'm GRATEFUL that metastatic cancer is such a pile of crap that at least I have something to blog about.
I'm GRATEFUL that my dog only rolls in skunk excretions once a week.
I'm GRATEFUL that I have so little wherewithal to do much of anything around the house that it gets me out of all the chores I hate (with apologies to Beloved).
I'm GRATEFUL that so many breast cancer organizations are a waste of space, and that I still possess the energy to bitchblog about them.
I'm GRATEFUL that I still have blog readers despite my penchant for sacrilegious snark.
And with that dear readers, I'll leave you with these wise words and wish you all a Happy, Peaceful and Medically Stable 2012.
"Never go to a Doctor whose office plants have died" (Anonymous)
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| Th 80's have a LOT to answer for! |
