Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I DON'T Love Boobies

In breaking breast cancerish news,  Judge Rules 'I Heart Boobies' Bracelets Are OK For Students To Wear, as reported by the Huffington Post.

"Boobies" has been a hot topic in the breast cancer blogosphere of late, and if you need to catch up with the discussion from my vantage point take a look at "Boobies". I said it. Now, May I Have Your Attention Please?" by Gayle Sulik.

Upon reading the Huffington Post article this morning, I felt my blood pressure rising, and the deep need to go and add my two-cents worth to the discussion.  I also posted on my Facebook page and asked my posse' to join me in my disruptive action.  Uneasy Pink and others heeded the call, and so we went to work trying to drill some sense into the debate.  The comment thread is worth a read if you have the time.

Of course we got the usual responses to our comments:

"Lighten up"

"Why are you so bitter over this?"

"I Love Boobies" 

"Very serious situations are often made light via jokes.  It's not an attempt to belittle the situation, but rather a way to ease the pressure"

"Using the word boobies, which obviously jostles the sticks in some people's mud"

As I tried to explain in varying language forms:

I guess the word "boobies" when used in the context of BREAST CANCER does "jostle the stick in my mud".....especially since both my "boobies" were surgically removed along with my "Babymaker " all by time I was 37...... all because my "boobies" are now killing me at the ripe old age of 40. 

But I soon realized that my rational arguments were not being heard by the boobie-obsessed majority so today I have decided to take an attitude of "if you can't beat 'em join 'em".  I have an idea that I hope you will all share with your communities.

Since we're all so comfortable with the term "boobies" as a way of  "raising Awareness", "easing the pressure" and "using humor"  in talking about a deadly illness I propose the following adjustments to  The Cancer Dictionary:

  • Breast Cancer = BOOBIE Cancer
  • Ovarian Cancer = HIGHBALLS Cancer
  • Uterine Cancer = BABYMAKER Cancer
  • Testicular Cancer = BALL Cancer
  • Scrotal Cancer = NUTSACK Cancer
  • Penile Cancer = DICK Cancer
  • Anal Cancer = BUNGHOLE Cancer
  • Rectal Cancer = POOPCHUTE Cancer
  • Colon Cancer= POOPMAKER Cancer
  • Bladder Cancer= PISSER Cancer
  • Vaginal Cancers = I can't decide whether I like PUSSY Cancer or just plain CUNT Cancer

Is anyone offended now?

Because I'm seeing HUGE fundraising $$$$ if we can all get on board with my proposals.

And I know the kids are going to go ape for the "I Love PoopChutes" bracelets.

As for the schools?  Well not so much, but praise the Lord for our First Amendment rights to free speech.  And so long as the kids are happy, right?  And the retailers.


  1. Folks I know with various "ass" cancers have been known to use those terms-- as a reaction to the over- prevalence of pink.

  2. Ha I never thought of it that way. It always pisses me off when I see save the boobies, why not save the people with cancer and not worry about our specific body parts. I am not my breast I am a person with breast cancer, in other part of my body that has nothing at all to do with boobies!

  3. I frickin love you!!!

  4. Thank you for providing this perspective, Anna! I heart bungholes will make a very nice fundraising bracelet!

  5. Well you certainly aren't a stick in the mud if you have such a great sense of humor. But I'm more offended by doctors who give death sentences and suck the hope out of patients. That is more harmful than any boobie bracelet out there. Just my view. I invite you to check out my blog today.

  6. Awesome and spot on.

    Just imagine telling a man with testicular cancer that he's a "NUT JOB." Who wants to say THAT to Lance Armstrong?

    We don't use this old fashioned word, one I'm sure you like as much as 'nefarious' and that is: VULGAR.

    Calling a horrendous disease "BOOBIE Cancer" is VULGAR.


  7. YES, YES, YES!!! You made my day! Did I tell you about a breast cancer website that used to be called "Who Needs Boobs?" I found that very offensive.

  8. Rock on, my tart, witty, perceptive friend. Next, we get to choose the colors for your proposed bracelets...

  9. The only aspect of the Avon 2 Day walk I dread is seeing people wear those disgusting Second Base and Tatas tee-shirts.

    Even some women don't understand.

  10. Ba ha ha, I love it! My uncle is in the promotional products business. Say the word and I'll have him print some up!

  11. Print 'em up! I will take one :) or two :)

  12. Yes! Love it! Print 'em up! I want one, or two :)

  13. I aprove of all these new fun and fashionable cancers. Yay for fun and happy stuff. The Komen bunch will be a little dissappointed they didnt see the marketing potential however.

  14. Great blog, makes people think.You are an awesome writer.

  15. As you so often do Anna, you gave me a laugh-out-loud moment here with your snarky, witty comments. Thank you!

  16. You are so witty! I like your proposals, but I bet schools wouldn't approve of bunghole cancer. It's just not as demeaning, especially to women, as boobies.

    Great posting!

  17. I love your attitude--you are so right!I guess calling them boobies takes the sting out of reality for people who can't handle what's really happening.

  18. Now that is the most bottom-line way to explain the view from our side of the fence. I LOVE IT!

  19. Hi there - I stumbled on your blog... I have a very rare cancer called carcinoid cancer, and am 37 years old - and a high school English teacher... needless to say this post had me nodding my head so furiously I think I got whiplash! I'm speaking at Relay for Life on Friday and am pretty nervous...I hope it goes well... for all of us fighting. Wishing you luck and health, Marlena


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